How To Find Your Joy This Holiday Season
What makes YOU happy during the holidays?
Hello, lovely! This is Joy Every Week - a weekly quest to find joy in everyday things. Enjoy! :)
The holidays are here.
Maybe you’re not prepared for them — I know I’m not. Maybe you’re looking forward to a bit of community, seasonal joy, to balance a bit all the terror — I know I am.
I also know that the holiday season is never easy, for a number of reasons, and this year it’s going to be even more complicated to find joy in them.
But we shall try. Come with me? 🙂
✨ What makes YOU happy during the holidays?
Let’s find the things that actually give you joy, make you happy; that fill your chest with a warm feeling, that make you smile when you remember them.
More than ever, today’s quest is for you. No societal or cultural expectations. No things you think you should enjoy, not (necessarily) the things your family always do, or people assume you like.
The truth, the real joy-making things: that’s what we’re looking for.
If you’re feeling guilty because you think you should spend your days in misery from now on, since everything is fucked, remember: joy is necessary.
Joy helps us manage and minimize stress and anxiety. Joy keeps us going. Makes us stronger. You can’t manufacture or buy it (not matter what retailers and marketing say), but we can look for it. Make space for it.
So, let’s think some things and list some lists.
(It’s very possible that you hate or are indifferent to some of these things. That’s okay; just skip the sections that don’t speak to you.)
✨ Seasonal stuff
Since I’m a big fan of rituals, I love seasonal stuff.
There are things I dislike, of course; Xmas music can become irritating at some point. Too many social obligations leave me tired, stressed and jittery. Complicated family dynamics. Loss and grief called to the front. Living a continent away. Missing friends.
Still, I’ve always enjoyed the rituals, the traditions, the communal aspects of the holiday season. They give me comfort and allow me to face the things that hurt.
Every year, I take notes about what was joyful, what was hard, and think about how I can adjust for more joy + less pain the next year. I try new things, especially when there’s a void for any reason — there was a lot of adapting when I moved continents, for example.
And I try new things because I’m always looking for new ways to add joy to my life.
This year, I’m thinking about building a gingerbread house — I’ve never done it because it’s not part of the celebrations in Uruguay (it’s summer there during the holidays, so our traditions are very different from the Northern Hemisphere). But it seems like something fun to do, and I love gingerbread cookies.
Think about all your favorites, or new things you’d like to try. Some themes and ideas to explore:
Decorations
Food & beverages
Scents
Songs (it doesn’t have to be Xmas-themed; anything you enjoy during holidays)
Activities
Ice skating
Baking
Cookie exchanges
Gift shopping
Parties
Cozying up with a hot beverage to watch movies or read
Fluffy, warm socks. Holiday themed or not
Holiday-themed tv show episodes, movies & books
✨Childhood Memories
If this brings up bad memories, just skip it. It’s okay; many of us had a rough childhood, and didn’t experience a lot of holiday cheer while growing up. Just go to the next section. 💜
If you do have nice memories from that time, do you remember what sparked joy for you when you were a kid?
Even if something sounds silly, if you feel like it would be fun, add it to your list. Indulging your inner child now and then is good for the soul. Allow them to come out and play!
✨Family Traditions
Again, this is not going to work for everyone and that’s okay.
If it doesn’t work for you, skip along.
Still here? Alright. Think about your family’s holiday traditions, and write them down.
It may be something common like having dinner or breakfast together, or things specific to your family: gathering at your aunt’s house, wrapping gifts with deer themed paper, or your brother’s too-spiked punch.
Whatever it is, write them all down.
Once you have your list, go through it and strike down the things that don’t give you joy, or worse, make you miserable.
If at all possible, remove those items from your actual celebrations.
If not — it may not be up only to you, after all — you can look for ways of changing them, or at least not putting too much time and energy into them.
Add the traditions that you do enjoy and cherish to your holiday joy list.
✨New Traditions
What are some things you’ve always wished were holiday traditions for you or your family? Anything, like:
A specific dish
Watching movies on New Year’s day
Going ice skating after dark
Attending a specific show or event
You get the idea. Write them down, and then see if you can actually add some of them to your celebrations this year.
🌟What are the things you need?
Underneath all our wants and wishes, there are usually things we need.
Knowing what those needs are will better guide you to find what’s best for you.
Some things that could make your needs list:
💫Community
For example: you may think you want to go to a bunch of parties, but you know you always end up tired and anxious and regretting having accepted the invitations.
Maybe, if you look a bit closer, what you really need is community, a sense of belonging.
So you think about places where you can fulfill those needs, without the frantic energy of the parties. There are many ways to find community and belonging, both online and offline.
You could join a choir, or sign up for volunteering, or organize a knitting-and-tea party with your pals. You can join an existing group or invite friends, colleagues or family to join you on a project or activity.
💫Rest (and boundaries)
I’ve had years when all I wanted was for the holiday season to disappear completely. To go to sleep in September and wake up in January, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with any of it.
I was, so, so, so fucking tired and stressed.
I used to run around doing three billion things for the holidays, bending to everyone’s whims and catering to everyone’s needs. Everyone’s except mine, of course.
It was miserable. And it took me years to realize that I needed was… rest.
I needed to say no to a bunch of demands and assumptions. No, I don’t want to go. No, I can’t do that. No, I don’t enjoy this.
It was a whole thing. Some people weren’t happy, as you can imagine. And it took me a few years to deprogram myself of thinking I had to do all and satisfy everyone. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it; both for my mental health (oh, the anxiety spirals I used to have around the holidays. They were EPIC), and because I was finally able to celebrate the holidays and… feel joy again. 😄
My point is, overwhelm sometimes manifests as feeling exhausted, and exhaustion often make us feel like we hate everything. So take a look and check; maybe you need some rest (and some boundaries).
💫Traditions
For people who come from chaotic backgrounds, or who have gone through big life changes this past year (big move, illness, loss of a loved one, career change, new children, etc) traditions may feel like a lifeline; but those same circumstances that make us crave that line often affect our traditions profoundly, maybe forever.
This is a very hard thing to deal with, and I’m sending you love and acknowledgement. 🧡
First and most important: give yourself time and space to acclimate to your new reality, whatever it is. Don’t try to pretend everything is fine; the grief and stress caused by big changes, especially when there’s loss involved, are very real and won’t disappear just by pretending they don’t exist. It’s okay and expected to be sad, nostalgic and happy, all at the same time.
Traditions are about ritual. Things repeated again and again, marking the passage of time and telling us that we are here, and we belong. Due to their very nature, we tend to think about them as immutable, set in stone, forever unchanged. But that’s not true. Whatever tradition you may think of, it didn’t exist before it was invented 😉 and I’ll bet it has changed over time, subtly or not.
So, if what you need is that throughline, think about how can you adapt existing rituals to your current reality. Or even add new rituals, like I’ve said above. With a bit of creative and openness, it’s not hard to honor old traditions and keep their spirit alive while doing something new.
💫Alone Time
I probably don’t need to explain this one to you, right? If you’re reading my newsletter, I’m fairly sure you need and appreciate alone time regularly, like I do. 😅
The thing is, during the holiday season, the demands for our time and socializing sky-rocket, and we’re often left running on empty and even more stressed.
So, if alone time to recharge is one of your needs, add it to the top of your list.
💫Peace & Quiet
Sometimes all you need is some peace and some quiet. To stay home and do nothing, no noise, no celebrations, no gifts to buy, no to-do lists, nothing.
I’m listing this separate from Alone Time because while peace and quiet may mean being alone, it may also mean a quiet evening at home with your signigicant other, family or roommates. This one is more about taking a break from the exterior world and the frantic energy of the season.
This Week’s Quest - Find Your Holiday Joy
Ideas & inspiration to find your holiday-related joy.
This exercise can be a fun thing to share with a friend, either in person or online. It can even become a tradition, since we’re constantly changing, and what gives you joy this year may not feel as sparkly next year.
1 - Make the list
Go back up, and as you read the text, write down all the things you can think of that bring you joy during the holidays.
Take notes, try to discover what are your needs. Be creative and allow for flexibility.
2 - Schedule
Schedule as many joyful items as possible in your calendar.
It may seem silly or unnecessary for things that are not actual events, but scheduling things makes it more likely that they’ll happen.
Put extra effort on scheduling alone time and rest, especially after big trips, parties or gatherings, or any event that you know is going to drain you out.
3 - Think about after
List things that help you come down & relax after socializing, when you’re all peopled-out and tired; like a cup of tea, a comfort movie, a bath — and add them to your plans and schedule.
4 - Set up reminders
This goes along with the scheduling: set up reminders to pop up on your phone & calendar. This will ensure you won’t forget to look at your calendar, and your joy schedule won’t be lost in the shuffle.
5 - Make a gallery
It can be a photo album, a Notion gallery, a Pinterest board… or even a scrapbook or collage if you’re into crafts.
The goal of this is to have a tangible, visual reminder of all the things that make you happy during the season. Something that you can look at each morning and feel like maybe, just maybe, there’s a little bit of joy to be had before the year ends. ✨
That’s It For Today!
I know how hard this time of the year can be, and how much harder this year is. I hope you find some light and some joy, be it from a sparkle you found in this guide, or not.
If you know someone who could use some help finding their holiday joy, please share the link or email. Invite people to make their lists with you. Be a joy bringer. 😄
And if you enjoyed this post, please drop me a like/heart. It means a lot to me, and it helps the newsletter to grow, so I can help more people find their joy. ❤️
Until next time. 😊—Nospheratt