Cozy is something you do, not something you own.
The joys of autumn
Hello! :) I’m Nospheratt, and this is Joy Every Week - a weekly quest to find joy in everyday things.
A few leaves are brown, and the sky is often gray, and I’m dreaming not of California but the upcoming autumn days. Fall landed rather abruptly here this year and I couldn’t be more delighted.
After all the outward goings and high energy of summer, it feels natural — even necessary — to pause and go inward. Find some silence, get some rest.
Prepare for the cold season, the dark time of the year when we seek shelter, refuge, sanctuary. When our everyday rituals turn towards warmth, softness, soft light.
There’s a reason why so many of us enjoy this season so much. It touches these ancient cords within ourselves, I think; it’s the season for home, for feeling protected, away from the outside world and all its many dangers.
Cozy Is Something You Do
Like everything else, “coziness” has been turned into marketing, a commodity you can buy.
And like many other commodified things, it’s still real and necessary. Underneath the veneer of consumerism lies something we need as human beings.
I’ve read a lot about why humans crave cozy environments. There are many reasons, theories, takes, but mainly: we need safety and belonging. When we’re in a cozy, comfortable place, we feel safe. Like we belong.
But what exactly does that mean? I like this definition of What is cozy, really? the best:
Cozy is:
A state of warmth and ease that is both physical and emotional
A sense of being held in a space that is safe, in contrast to danger, cold, or discomfort outside
Familiar and orderly, but not too perfect
Marked by closeness, rather than expansiveness; human scale
Cultivated especially by senses beyond the visual: touch, taste, and smell
But there’s something else too, which I think gets to this distinction between real and faux cozy. (…) Ultimately, I think we have a better chance at true coziness when cozy is something we do, not something we have. Just like love, which needs to be renewed through daily action, coziness is enacted through the fluffing of pillows, the brewing of tea, the gentle folding of sweaters, and the arms, ever-ready to wrap around another in a hug.
I absolutely love this concept: cozy as something we do. Yes, you can buy fancy candles and new pillows and expensive tea. But those objects are devoid of meaning; what creates coziness, safety, comfort, belonging, are the hands that light the candles, fluff the pillows, brew the tea.
It works just as well with the same old pillows and your usual tea.
Like I’ve said before, you’re the one that gives meaning to things; the passages of the seasons are some of my favorite spaces to enjoy ritual and find meaning.
Hot Beverages
Fall is the quintessential mate season.1 An entire thermos worth of hot, bitter, comforting infusion to sip throughout the day. To take anywhere you go, to enjoy outside among the falling leaves.
For me, it’s also cappuccino season. And many, many flavors of hot tea season.
There’s also quentão — a Brazilian mulled wine usually drank during the June winter festivities, which may or may not include some cachaça2 in the mix; and vin chaud — French mulled wine. Or vino caliente, the Spanish version. I just love spiced, hot wine in any form. 😂
Early Nights, Twinkling Lights
This year I’ve kept a couple of fairy light strings around all year, instead of putting them away in January. It may sound cliché, but it’s such a simple, easy way to add a touch of magic to the evenings. I like to turn them on as soon as it’s dark outside; they’ve become a signal that we’re home for the evening and I don’t have to leave the house again.
Another thing that’s part of my “we’re done for the day” daily ritual: turning off the overhead lights and turning on our small lamps on. The yellow, soft light plays beautifully with the fairy lights and tells my brain it’s time to relax and unwind.
Other Season Delights
Food. I’ll probably write a “Fall Food Joy” edition soon, but some highlights:
Poroto con arroz - aka feijão com arroz aka black beans and rice. The way I cook and eat it is one of the purest expressions of my roots and my culture.
Raclette & fondue - two of my favoritest French-Swiss traditions. Raclette should be just as famous and commonplace as fondue; it’s easier to prepare and just made for sharing.
Apples & pears
Chicken rice soup
Roasted vegetables
PJs! And blankets!
PJ season has arrived and I am here for it. My body is ready!! Also “snuggle under a blanket on the sofa” season is open and I’ve been enjoying it every night.
Wearing socks to bed.
I usually take them off in the middle of the night; but going to the cold bed wearing warm socks is such a pleasure.
Basking in the sun.
During the warmer months, to use a Brazilian expression, I run from the sun like the devil runs from the cross. It’s only in Autumn that I can truly enjoy the warmth of the sun again.
Fall cleaning.
Being the person I am, of course I love Spring Cleaning; but I also like to do a bit of cleaning and re-organizing to welcome the colder days.
Wintering the plants.
Some of my plants live inside year-round, but others, like the yucca and the succulents spend the summer outside, where they can take full advantage of the sun. As soon as the colder nights start, however, it’s time to bring them inside until spring.
This Week’s Quest - The Joy Of Autumn
Ideas & inspiration to find your joy.
1 - Say goodbye to summer.
Take a little bit of time to think about your favorite summer memories. Go through your photos and reconnect with the joy you felt in those moments.
If you feel like it, journal about it, take notes for next summer:
What went well? What would you like to do again?
What didn’t work for you? What will you do differently next time?
(I am definitely scheduling less things next summer. I’ve even put a reminder on my calendar for May about going easy on summer commitments. 🫠😂)
2 - What are you craving this time of the year?
If you stop to think about autumn, dark days, cold nights… what does your heart longs for?
Especially if you don’t love autumn, what do you need to feel happier and more content in the coming months?
3 - Favorite season delights
Make a list of your favorite seasonal activities and daily rituals. It may be helpful to think in terms of the 5 senses. For example:
Sight - brown leaves, gray skies, warm colors
Sound - rain on the roof, wind outside, crackling fire
Smell - simmering soup, roasting vegetables, scented candles, pine cones
Taste - bread fresh from the oven, apple pie, a favorite tea or coffee
Touch - blankets, sweaters, pajamas, boots
4 - What does “cozy” mean to you?
Your definition may be very different than mine. Think about it, and figure out ways to bring that to your home and your life.
And remember: you don’t need to spend money or buy anything! You can certainly do it if you want, but it’s not a requirement.
Cozy is something you do, not things you own.
📚Reads
➡️ Autumn Wellbeing for busy people
I’ve written before about my belief that we all have either a Summer soul or an Autumn soul.
For those with a Summer soul the change from the light, bright energy of Summer to a darker, indoor season can be abrupt and tricky to navigate. If this is you I am fully empathetic.
Which is why I’ve put together a few short steps to help ease the transition a little and to help boost your wellbeing this Autumn. All the ideas below are quick, affordable and can be squeezed into a busy life. There is cake, there is warming tea and there are blankets.
I’m definitely definitely most definitely an Autumn soul, but here’s a nice list of ideas for people who are less excited than I am for the darker days.
➡️ Cultivating Joy in the Summer to Fall Transition
Whether we’re talking about the summer to fall transition or any other time of the year, it’s important to recognize that seasons are part of a cycle of life. The same is true for the cycles of our own lives.
If we want to cultivate more joy, then ignoring this truth is setting ourselves up for disappointment.
Too many people work to avoid, rather than accept and embrace, the parts of life that are tough. I certainly don’t enjoy dreary, cold weather and months of darkness that come with this season in the Pacific Northwest. But this time serves an important purpose.
We need seasons of rest and renewal if we are to have seasons of growth.
➡️ Walking Through Autumn
Paths become tunnels of gold, carpeted in fallen leaves and overhung by burnished branches. The ground disappears beneath a crust of copper. To walk through autumn is to walk an uncertain path, hidden by drifts of kaleidoscopic leaves.
Beautiful, beautiful text about autumn. (cw: cemeteries, death.)
🎥 Watch
Love the official music video for “California Dreamin'”, performed by The Beach Boys and two members of the Mamas and Papas (plus Roger McGuinn from The Byrds on guitar). What a gem.
🌳 Quote
That’s It For Today!
Are you an autumn soul or a summer soul? Are you looking forward to the season or dreading the dark days? How are you preparing for the colder months? What are your seasonal rituals? 😊
Until next time. —Nospheratt
You could as well say the same about winter but fall is my favorite so 🤫.
A distilled spirit made from fermented sugarcane juice. It’s quite strong. Some day I’ll tell you the story of how I was taken to an alambique (a cachaça distillery) at 8am in the morning to taste cachaça… without breakfast. 🤪
I'm not ready to say goodbye to summer (I never am), but when I have to face reality, I will refer to your lovely article to remind me why everything will be okay in autumn. I loved your definition of cozy.
Thank you for reminding me of all I miss about seasons, such as autumn. I have lived in Thailand for more than twenty years. It is less hot in the "winter" months than the "summer". Some periods of the year can be less or more wet (and I mean WET, water coming fown in sheets not raindrops).
Two days ago, I set out to cross a road, perfectly dry, but with dark clouds lowering above me. I was drenched to the skin (including socks, shoes, underwear) before I got to the opposite side of the road.
I miss the white beauty of winter but not the bitter cold and slipperiness. I miss the Spring flowers and new leaves on naked trees. I miss the coloured leaves falling from deciduous trees. Nevertheless, I like living here.