The Joy of Everyday Rituals
Find connection and meaning in the smallest things.
Ritual is one of my favorite things. Not in the religious sense (I don’t belong to any religious, well, anything), but something like this:
“An activity that you make sure to do every so often, is repeated over time, and is something that you do because it has meaning for you.” —HBR
Or like this:
Rituals can be defined as temporal technologies for housing oneself. They turn being in the world into being at home. Rituals are in time as things are in space. They stabilize life by structuring time. They give us festive spaces, so to speak, spaces we can enter in celebration. —Byung-Chul Han
The definition above feels me with joy. Using rituals to feel like you’re at home in the world, in time - that’s exactly why I love them.
I’m not talking about complicated things, at least not necessarily. Some of my favorite rituals are elaborated and take a lot of time, like Xmas; but others only require a few minutes, like opening the windows and preparing my mate1 in the morning.
Ritual vs Routine
For me the biggest difference is in how you see it. How you feel about it and how you go about doing it. You could say it’s about intention and mindfulness (as in, paying attention to what you’re doing, instead of going through the motions while you think about a million other things).
An easy example is how I prepare mate in the morning. Preparing it is something as mundane as making a cup of coffee; millions of people do it everyday. There’s nothing intrinsically special about it.
Except there is, for me.
Mate is being home. It connects me with my culture, the place where I come from, where I belong. My roots.
Mate is something you share with friends and loved ones, every day, or every time you meet. We drink mate at home, at work, in public transport, at the beach.
Mate is home, belonging, sharing. So every morning when I prepare it, I really “enter a space in celebration” of those things. I find a temporary house where I can connect with those feelings and find comfort, peace. Simple joy.
How do I do that? I’m fully there, in this moment outside time and space, for a few minutes. When I take my yerba out of the cupboard and grab my mate and thermos, I pause for a moment and pay attention to what I’m doing. Take a slow breath. Listen to the birdsong or the rain as I pour yerba into the gourd, wait for the kettle to tell me the water is hot enough, fill the thermos. Allow myself to feel the connection, the meaning, the contentment.
This little ritual is one of the very few things that has always been a constant in my life. I’ve prepared mate in all the cities where I’ve lived, and all the countries where I’ve traveled. In every place I’ve called home.
Mate is a thread that connects all those places, winding through time and space to anchor me to my history and my stories.
Making a cup of coffee or tea can be all those things for you. Or it can be (as it is for me) just something you do because you want a drink.
You’re the one who can give something meaning or not.
Rituals can take many forms.
A specific playlist designed to get you in a certain mood can be a form of ritual.
How you begin or close your day, or how you start and finish your work.
Cleaning your house can have meaning; it may symbolize cleansing, renewing, bringing order to your life. Making space for what’s to come, be it a new season, a new job or a weekly gathering of friends.
Journaling, yoga, mediation, baking or cooking - the possibilities are infinite.
You don’t need anything grandiose, solemn, long-winded or externally-sanctioned. It doesn’t have to be a daily thing, or follow any set interval.
It just needs meaning and intention.
Seasonal Rituals
Spring cleaning. Summer barbecues. Walking on fallen autumn leaves. Lighting the fireplace and drinking hot chocolate.
Since rituals are a way to mark the passage of time, to separate what came before from what lies ahead, and situate ourselves in relation to those points - it’s only logical that every season brings its own rituals, both communal and personal.
They “stabilize life by structuring time” and give us “festive spaces we can enter in celebration”, indeed.
Observing these rituals is a way to prepare for the changes and challenges the new season will bring. It also helps me find the joyful things among the hard things, to remember that joy is possible, even when everything sucks.
They tell me that the passage of time won’t bring only bad things, or endings; it also brings new beginnings, opportunities, possibilities. Second chances.
Shared Rituals
The inner culture of a group can contain all sorts of rituals too. (In this context, “group” means “any association that comprises more than one person”; a couple, two friends, any number or relatives, your work team, etc.)
The special way you say hello or goodbye to someone, the phrases that call back again and again to the group’s shared history and identity, the specific activities you do when you get together, anything that feels like tradition - these things have meaning and are repeated every so often.
They’re maps of connection, and often speak of shared joy.
Rituals of Joy
There’s an intrinsic joy in rituals, in finding that space that’s a home inside the world and time.
But there are also rituals specifically designed for joy, or focused on joy. Celebrations like birthdays and anniversaries are prime examples, as well as things like weddings, dinner parties or seasonal festivals.
And then there are the personal rituals of joy, your personal celebrations.
The first strawberries of summer. A yearly re-watch of your favorite movie. The day you can finally wear again your coziest sweater, and you sigh delightedly into autumn. Starting a long-awaited book with a cup of tea, or a new coloring book with your old crayons. Anything you do again and again, just because it makes you happy, because it fills you with joy.
Rituals of Sadness
Like I said at the beginning, here we acknowledge all the deeply difficult things that are part of our lives. And we humans have lots of rituals to process sadness and pain.
The obvious one is funerals; every culture has their own way of dealing with death. But we also have different rituals to deal with other types of sadness: from a break-up or the loss of a job, to the blues of a gray, rainy Sunday.
These rituals are ways to acknowledge and deal with our pain. There’s usually no joy in them (tho sometimes there is, because we’re fucking complicated beings and that’s okay), but they help us move forward, cross that yawning abyss of grief, bit by bit.
Everyday Rituals
Almost anything you do can be imbued with the cozy magic of ritual.
Listening to an upbeat playlist in the morning, designed to get you moving. Taking your meds and drinking water, with a deep breath and a sigh of contentment because you’re taking good care of yourself. Making your bed as a way to create space for rest when you come back to it, and the joy of knowing that morning!you was kind to the-day-is-done!you.2
Every one of these little rituals can become anchors that connect you to your joy, if you pay attention and find meaning in them.
This Week’s Quest - The Joy Of Everyday Rituals
Here are your tasks, ideas and stuff to think about.
1 - Take inventory of your favorite rituals
What are the things you do again and again, that mean something to you?
Make a list of the things you do every so often, not because you have to, but because they’re meaningful, make you feel connected to something or someone, or simply because they fill you with joy.
If you feel like exploring, write down for each item:
What is this ritual?
Describe it, name it.
Like “Having a cup of coffee when I sit down to work” or “Sharing the first strawberries of summer with my best friend” or even simply “The holiday season”.
Inventing actual names can be a lot of fun, and also add meaning.
For example: back in the ‘90s I used to watch a TV show called Dharma & Greg. There was a scene where they’re getting ready to sleep, and Dharma jumps to sit on the bed, bouncing and grinning like a kid, and declares, “Clean sheet day!!”
To this day, I recall that joy every time I go to bed with fresh sheets. “Clean sheet day!” I say to my husband, and we grin at each other. Everybody loves clean sheets, of course. But the added acknowledgment, the ritual aspect of it, adds another layer or enjoyment for us.
I call “Morning Routine” the little list of things I do every morning to get started, like drinking water, journaling, reading a book and studying French. I’m pondering a new name for that, both because I get some work done first, so I end up doing my “Morning” routine around noon more often than not; and because the name doesn’t appeal to me. So I’m looking for a title that will actually inspire and motivate me to get it done.
Sometimes just naming (or changing the name of) something can give it meaning and make it joyful.
When do you do it? How often?
Is there a set frequency (every day, weekly, etc) or is it a “do it as often as I can” thing?
Does it happen on specific dates like Xmas or birthdays, or is it more flexible, like seasonal activities?
It can also be something you do “as needed”; like take a walk in the park when I’m restless, or watching a comfort movie when I’m stressed.
Why is it meaningful to you?
Does it connect you with something or someone? Makes you feel a certain way? Is it a celebration of something specific?
Don’t discard anything because you think others would find it silly or meaningless. What matters is that it matters to you.
Where’s the joy in this?
What elements of this are joyful for you? The way it makes you feel, the memories it brings to the surface, the steadiness of something that persists in time?
Be as long winded or succinct as you want.
2 - Make a calendar of celebrations.
You can add all your rituals and celebrations to your actual schedule, or simply make a list with dates, or create a separate calendar just for them.
The important thing is to have a place where you can see your celebrations, big and small, collective and personal, so you can look forward to them, and maybe prepare in some way that feels joyful and appropriate.
Here are some options from Canva - you can either print them or use them digitally.
3 - Invent something new
If you’re not feeling the rituals and celebrations you listed, or if you’d like to have more of them, you can just invent new things!
Like I said, you’re the one who can find or create meaning. So you just have to choose what you’d like to celebrate or connect to, decide that “this ritual means X” or “it connects me with Y” and then recall that intention every time you engage with it.
Keep in mind: it doesn’t need to be complicated or elaborated. It can certainly be, if that’s what you’re going for; but simple and easy is good, especially for things you’d like to do often.
It can change and evolve over time, too.
You can start with a very simple thing - let’s say, the first coffee or tea you drink in the morning. You decide that this is a moment when you’ll connect with yourself, take a breath and be fully there. You feel like this is a good way to prepare yourself for the day that’s starting. Not to think about everything you have to do today, but to wake up your energy gently, to give your mind a few minutes to stretch slowly.
As time goes by, this morning cup becomes comforting, a spot of calm even when you’re dealing with life’s storms. Maybe you decide to add a few minutes of journaling to it, making a short list of joyful things you experienced the day before, or things you’re looking forward today. Or maybe you feel like reading a short poem while you drink; or watch a video cat or dog video, to start the day with a smile and a laugh.
Eventually you may realize that this little ritual is one of your favorite parts of the day. That it means something to you, because it makes you feel centered, prepared, cared for, ready to get on with daily life.
This is just an example, of course. The same principles apply to any ritual you may want to do.
This Week’s Clues
📚Reads
➡️ Why we need rituals, not routines
Anyone can devise a simple ritual and integrate it into their day, week, or even month. In Zen monasteries, even ordinary activities, like bathing and eating, are ritualized and given the complete attention of practitioners. This encourages a mindful approach to basic tasks, imbuing them with a transformational ethos. It can be as simple as taking a walk at a certain time of day, baking bread, or cleaning your space. You might not feel moved or changed by a ritual the first time you attempt one; you might be self-conscious or distracted. This is where repetition or experimentation could help.
I love a feast day, the more feast days the merrier, and sometimes a situation arises that demands we invent a new one.
There are Joyous Feast Days for being joyful and remembering joy. Not just for joy — these can be zany, uplifting, inspiring, absurd, we need more of these, let’s keep inventing and reinventing celebrations.
Other Feast days are more like memorials that morphed into a party because they just really needed to become a party. The feast day of we will light a candle and make food, heyyyy now it’s a feast day.
Let’s not forget the Feasts of Liberation, a blending of joyful and sad, the #itscomplicated of Feast Days.
And then there are what I call the seasonal feast days, shehecheyanu days, we made it here and now it is the first warm day of spring, the first ripe strawberries, the first reason to make a pie, the day the saguaro begin to bloom, pumpkin spice lattes if that’s your thing, celebrating those small sweet moments that reconnect us to where we are in the year.
➡️ The Ritual Effect: From Habit to Ritual, Harness the Surprising Power of Everyday Actions
I’ve just started reading this book, but I’m enjoying quite a bit.
Our lives are filled with repetitive tasks meant to keep us on track—what we come to know as habits. Over time, these routines (for example, brushing your teeth or putting on your right sock first) tend to be performed automatically. But when we’re more mindful about these actions—when we focus on the precise way they are performed—they can instead become rituals. Shifting from a “habitual” mindset to a “ritual” mindset can convert ordinary acts from black and white to technicolor. Think of the way you savor a certain beverage, the care you take with a particular outfit that gets worn only on special occasions, the unique way that your family gathers around the table during holidays, or the secret language you enjoy with your significant other. To some, these behaviors may seem quirky, but because rituals matter so deeply to us on a personal level, they imbue our lives with purpose and meaning.
🎥 Watch
I enjoyed this a lot - it’s a lovely guide to create your own yearly ritual calendar. It was filmed in September 2020, so there’s a bit of stuff about how things were different then, but it doesn’t take away any of the usefulness. I followed the video as if it was live, and created my own calendar using one of the Canva templates I linked above, and I had a lot of fun, many things to think about.
This is a long video, so set aside some time to watch it. And have some paper and pens ready.
Casper’s book "The Power of Ritual: Turning Everyday Activities into Soulful Practices” is next on my TBR list and after watching this video, I’m really looking forward to it.
🎙️Listen
The Power Of Rituals With Leo Babauta - Clean Simple Free Podcast
I’ve been reading Zen Habits since… 2007 or thereabouts, and Leo’s stuff feels to me like breaths of calm and stillness. In this podcast, he discusses the power of elevating routines into rituals, and how to live mindfully versus pursuing endless productivity and drudgery.
🌳 Quote
Rituals make the invisible connections that make life meaningful, visible.
― Casper ter Kuile
That’s It For Today!
WOW, that was a lot. This is a topic I’m really passionate about, can you tell? 😁
I’d love to know: what are your favorite everyday rituals?
And until next time! —Nospheratt
Mate is a traditional South American caffeine-rich infused herbal drink. I need to do a post about the joys of mate soon, because as you can see, it’s a big, joyful part of my life and I mention it often.
I love using exclamation marks like we use it in fandom:
An exclamation mark (sometimes called a "bang") between two words denotes a trait!character relationship between them, especially between a character and a trait of that character. —[Fanlore](https://fanlore.org/wiki/!)
It’s an excellent way to refer to different facets and characteristics of the same person. Like future!me or writer!you
I really enjoyed reading this. I must assume, from your referrences to mate thay your ancestral home is a regiom some people call "the end of the world". I also have roots there. But I never drank mate. Although everyone around did when growing up, and they still do. But me? I was always a coffee person. Well, why not be honest... a coffee addict. Anyway, my routines and rituals are something else. Te invito a visitar mi substack. Saludos.
Is it the "bottom of the world"?